Hello Everyone! Happy March!
It’s amazing to think “Year As” is at the 8 month mark. 8 months ago, I said let’s try something new, and I tried it!
So, I thought today an 8 month check-in would be appropriate. This post is actually in direct conversation with a post I did back in November. My life felt like it was in shambles, I was overwhelmed, over-worked and essentially over everything. I had taken too much on at once, and on top of that I had just started a blog. Now I have done some reevaluating, reorganizing and re-imaging of what I want my life to look like, and let me just say it feels good!
Life… Am I Right?
Life hit me hard. When I started “Year As”, I was working three jobs, only one paid. I was writing my master thesis, taking a full course load, applying to adult jobs, applying to doctoral programs, trying to maintain a social life, talk to my family, eat, clean, relax, and blog! Not to mention, I was moving out of my apartment, looking for a new place to live and trying to keep up with my Philly friends. It was just way too much for me. And while the semester was coming to an end, I still felt like I was drowning in real life. To put it simply, it was the closest I had ever felt like a failure in my life.
So, when the semester ended, and I got my final grades, I gave-up. I moved back in with my parents. All the way in Texas. I hadn’t finished my thesis, meaning I still haven’t graduated yet. I didn’t get hired on by a single job even though I spent all November and December applying, and I now had to pay another semester of tuition meaning all the money I had saved last semester was literally spent immediately. And I never did find an apartment in Philly.
So Here I Am, and I Am Actually Okay!
To be honest, I am actually better than okay. I moved out of the house to go to school in 2012, After I graduated from undergrad in 2016, I moved to Philadelphia, started my master’s, and went home a lot less. Then I got my first job because I felt like I wanted to prove something to myself. I wanted to prove that I could do it. I could be independent, smart, funny, self-sufficient, whatever. I wanted to prove I was capable. Ultimately, sure I felt like I failed miserably, but honestly, I did it. I lived alone, paid for school (mostly through loans and work study), worked, networked, and for a while I really enjoyed it.
But it became too much. I took things way too seriously. I am privileged, I have family and friends in my life who don’t mind helping me, supporting me and making sure I am mentally, physically, and financially stable. I was trying to prove to myself that I was invincible, but I realized, no one is invincible.
The moment I got off the plane and into the car with my dad, I felt a billion pounds lifted off my chest. The first night home, was the first free from anxiety. I refused to look at my computer, answer “work” emails, or look at school stuff. I needed to focus on me.
I wrote about self-care in the past, but it’s one thing to write about it and another to practice it. So here I am writing about it again. Self-care is more than bubble baths and wine, it’s a release from the uncontrollables of life. It is a moment where you place yourself in a safe place, find calm, and feel loved.
Taking care of you is the first step to success. I cannot stress this enough, without being at your emotional and physical best, you will either burn yourself out or fall apart.
I didn’t want to lose myself before I even got to finish my first year with “Year As”. So, I had to slow down. And things started to look up.
When the World Aligns
After about 2 weeks of doing nothing, I decided I should reboot and start looking for jobs again! Slowly but surely, I started searching, asking friends, and ex-supervisors if they had heard of any good positions or openings. Luckily for me, I found one. A start-up in Philly focused on music, wellness, unity and love, was looking for someone who knows things about digital marketing. I applied immediately, and about a week later I was hired on and even allowed to work remotely! #Lucky
Later on in January I received a phone call from the University of California, Los Angeles and was accepted into my dream doctoral program. While I thought getting a super cool remote job was amazing, getting into my dream doctoral program BLEW MY MIND! Knowing exactly what my future held, a new school in the fall, forced me to have a little perspective.
I realized I needed to finish my thesis, I can’t just drop out with only 15 pages left. Especially now, since I have a Ph. D. on the line!
So I had to get creative about living options. I never heard of a two-month lease so I started looking at individual renters instead of companies. Ultimately, I found an AirBnb walking distance from campus for only 700$ a month. That’s like unheard of in Philly! So I booked it! And I love it!
Now I am currently, temporarily, living in Philly just so I can finish my paper. With a little bit of food money, a new job centered on mental wellness and self-care and an exciting new beginning in sunny California awaiting me!
What’s This Have to do With Blogging?
Everything. It has everything to do with blogging. A blog doesn’t just exist in a vacuum. Your everyday mental state, problems, successes and joys effect how you write, what you write and if you even feel like writing.
I didn’t know how I was going to keep going, but I made a commitment to this blog to see it through. It was easy to quit “Year As”. I literally just never had to open WordPress again, but I didn’t want to lose it. I didn’t want to lose all of my new blogging friends, you all. I didn’t want to give up on this dream to be adventurous and encouraging. I didn’t want to spend my Year As someone who felt regret. So, I had to slow down, reprioritize and make life make sense for me again.
It’s easy to let your own arbitrary goals get in your way. It’s easy to lose perspective and patience. It’s easy to practice frustration over self-love. But it’s also just as easy to realign yourself. You deserve to have everything you dream of. Hustle is so important because it gets you places but being kind to yourself is what makes sure YOU arrive when the time comes.
I am not saying to quit everything and start over, instead I am saying know your limits and practice them. Say no sometimes, take nights alone, sleep that extra hour or two. Give yourself a chance to catch up. You have your whole life to be successful, so make sure you enjoy the journey to success. It’s the only way that makes it all worth it in the end.
Thank you again for sticking with me, being patient with me and following along my journey. My life is a roller coaster, but I am so happy you all were there to help me get back on the ride!